Unstoppable…. NOT
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 – 15:44Feel so bad that I have not blogged for over a week now, have plenty to write about just not got the time…..
Unstoppable
Dieting Misery
Sunday, May 9, 2010 – 12:37Apparently Naomi Campbell goes on the maple syrup diet – syrup mixed with cayenne pepper, lemon juice and water – three times a year. Beyoncé is said to have done that one as well adding laxative tea every night and a sea-salt water in the morning. Jennifer Aniston is, allegedly, on a new baby food diet and Liz Hurley once lived on a bowl of cabbage soup a day. These tit-bits cam to me courtesy of Naomi Campbells maple madness and my favourite quote in the article is “The awful thing about these diets is the joylessness of them. The sheer, sapping unhappiness they must involve.”
Another ‘thing’ about these diets is that they tend to be short term, a quick bout of sacrifice a couple of times a year to keep the flab at bay. Healthy? Many nutritionists will tell you certainly not.
Whilst we cannot deny the growing rate of our overweight, all the attention to obesity has lead to a social stigma being attached to being overweight with regular insults of ‘fat sl*g’, ‘fat f**t’ etc becoming a sort of national insult. Throw in the health issues the scientists and the press love to trumpet on a weekly basis and your well being is threatened by the fact that you’ve failed to lose any noticeable weight.
Chocolate Cereals
One thing that being on an Atkins like diet (low carbohydrate that is), is how there is an emphasis on a life style change. It has to be because as soon as you finish your diet and revert back to ‘chocolate cereals’ (when did this happen?), your body will revert back to type and pile the pounds back and usually quicker than you lost it. Trust me, I’ve been and still am there!
To stay the long term requires that the diet is sustainable. Any diet that leaves you hungry, tired or irritable is not going to last. I enjoyed my diet but I think I lost my battle because I have a family who did not feel the need to join me in my low carb world and I could not keep up the hassle of trying to avoid foods that are so prevalent in our society from buying lunch to preparing separate dishes at home. I admire those families where one or the other is a vegetarian and accommodate those different diets. In most case I know of, anyway, the meat eater gets to eat meat outside the home.
I can’t say honestly that I am desperately unhappy with my weight but there are times when I worry that whenever I feel unwell, it may be because of the weight. Also I avoid looking too long in the mirror without clothes on J.
I have slowly being pressuring myself to lose some weight and get some exercise because I know it will make me feel better, more content. I will get round to it and you will have the fun of reading about it here.
In the meantime, avoid the hype. If you want to diet, find the long term solution for you and recognise it may take time for the weight to go. Most of all use common sense and maintain some sort of balance.
Related Post : Experts and Vested Interests
The Money Obsession
Saturday, May 8, 2010 – 16:14“This disposition to admire, and almost to worship, the rich and powerful, and to despise, or, at least neglect persons of poor and mean conditions, though necessary both to establish and to maintain the distinction of ranks and the order of society, is, at the same time, the great and most universal cause of the corruption of our moral sentiments.” (Theory of Moral Sentiments 1759)
Our society’s glorification of money and hatred of the poor was identified as far back as 1759 by the economist Adam Smith. With more and more research pointing to the fact that ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ is detrimental to your happiness and even your life; it is amazing why we continue to seek to catch a little Affluenza. Commentary like ‘Don’t celebrate these billionaires, be horrified by their existence’ fails to dampen our appetite for worldly richness.
Maybe we need to take a little more interest in statistics. One commenter in his article Forbes rich list is Slim pickings came up, based on his analysis of the Forbes rich list, a ‘recipe for billionaire success: get born into a rich family, invent something and sell it to Americans. Win.’ Based on evidence such as this if your dependence on being happy is the achievement of richness, you are probably on a hiding to nothing.
I am always struck by the fact that many people are surprised when they visit ‘poor’ countries at how happy the people living there are. The lesson seems to be that as long as you do not perceive yourself to be poor, as long as you have met your basic needs, then you need not look any further to feel good about your life.
May you find the balance.
The Co-Founder Syndrome
Tuesday, May 4, 2010 – 6:43“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialisation is for insects.”
Attributed to Robert Anson Heinlein (July 7, 1907 – May 8, 1988) an American science fiction writer, I was reminded of this quote a couple of times recently when a friend of mine criticised my blogs of being unfocussed. In his opinion, only those who specialise are likely to make money out of their blogs and I am on a hiding to nothing. I obviously have specific aims for my blogs that escaped his notice but I digress.
If you subscribe to the American self help success model, then specialisation is by far the most frequent strand of the success formula. The advise goes along the these lines, ‘decide what you want to do, want if badly, crave it and then go for it with all your heart and mind’ including, of course, not being sidetracked by other little things like friends and family and other aspects of life. The gurus will point to examples of successful people that, at least from the outside, who prove the case. But is that necessarily true? Even someone as single focussed on golf as Tiger Woods had time to not only do but plan extra-curricula activities! Another example, the British tycoon, Richard Branson (him of Virgin fame) appears to be focussed many business ventures that you got to wonder if he gets 48 hours a day as opposed to the rest of us.
There is a group of successful people that do not exhibit that single minded focus or at least not for extensive periods of time, people I call the co-founders. The most famous of these people is a hero of mine, Paul Allen. Co-founder of the mighty Microsoft, Mr Allen has proved to have a wide range of interests many that he backs up with his money.
Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your point of view, humans are multi-talented or multi task orientated and that is what has made us a successful species. The vast majority of us cannot and do not focus on one thing only. Is it so bad to want to be a good say salesman as well as a good father? An excellent mechanic as well as an exceptional husband? All tasks require work and attention and life is interesting; most of us would get bored doing one thing for an extended period of life.
Some of us who have bought into the ‘single mindedness’ theory continue to go back to the self help industry, blaming ourselves for our lack of concentration, to seek the inspiration to achieve our goal. That’s what keeps them busy!
I am sometimes amazed at the wide range of subjects I find interesting and I sometimes wonder if my ‘Jack of All Trades’ mentality will hinder me in the future but I somewhat recognise that my disquiet is due to the recent emphasis on specialisation in this industrial age.
Obviously with competing interests, goals etc, balance is required and this is what this blog is about, finding a balance. Using my personal experiences either directly or indirectly, this blog discusses issues that affect life’s balances which I hope you will take on board with your own experiences to create your own unique formula for happiness. Note, your own, not prescribed.
I believe we should embrace our wide ranging interests and goals and strive to achieve a balance that will generally leave us content with our lot.
May you find the balance.
Being That Good
Sunday, April 18, 2010 – 17:14You couldn’t be that good and not know it, somewhere in your secret heart, however much you’d been abused into affecting public humility. [Lois McMaster Bujold]
Despite my dislike for ‘reality’ TV, I do occasionally watch programs like ‘Pop Idol’ and ‘X Factor’ mainly because the family with 2 budding singers in it likes to watch them. Currently ‘American Idol’ is the rage and watching it the other day I was struck by the fact that all the contestants were very good. I mean really good. The fact that a couple of them are quite young got me to thinking about how much of their youth have these young people given away for a dream as unlikely to happen as winning the competition.
Outliers: The Story of Success
In his book, ‘Outliers: The Story of Success’, Malcolm Gladwell, author of “The Tipping Point” and “Blink” , quotes a neurologist as follows: “In study after study, of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice-skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals, this number comes up again and again. Ten thousand hours is equivalent to roughly three hours a day, or 20 hours a week, of practice over 10 year. No one has yet found a case in which true world-class expertise was accomplished in less time.”
No-one would claim world class mastery for the contestants on American Idol but some serious practice would appear to be the requisite of making it through to the finals. The point being made by the scientists that Gladwell quotes would seriously be a hindrance to anyone, such as myself, who is considering a career change at such a late stage in their working life. However, it also serves as a warning as to how much work will be required should you decide to take the step. Accepting that means you should make your choice carefully; after all you may have to do it for 3 hours a day for 10 years!
You need to be content to do whatever you are doing otherwise it will seem like an eternity before you are any good.
But sometimes, true mastery and perfection are not a pre-requisite for success, at least short term success. Many of those master musicians mentioned in the book play backing for those of less experience and practice, just ask any ‘career’ session musician. Sometimes flair and originality or stepping outside the box – therefore invalidating everyone’s 10,000 hour experience can make a difference.
Anyway no-body says you can’t be the best without the 10,000 hours of work. You just need to be the one with the most hours anywhere and you can be the best. What is obvious being the best does require work and you will be best only if you are doing something you love.
May you find the balance.
Holding Onto the Old
Sunday, April 18, 2010 – 13:23I have always had a bit of unease whenever I hear of Western countries attempting to tell third world countries, particularly African countries about how they should run their economies, their politics and all other ‘civilised and modern’ ways of improving their lot. As we have seen with the ‘credit crunch’, this advice can be fatal. Malawi’s ignorance of the Western budgetary advice has resulted in the country becoming an exported of basic food stuff in 3 years!
I suppose my unease stems from the fact that most of modern methods are created and judged on Western values but with it comes new and not necessarily better practises. Sometimes you have to stick with old values and defend them against the march of time.
One of the values I hold dear having grown up in Africa, is the value of old people, especially parents. The Christies Care survey released recently shows that one in eight adults had not seen their parents for a year or more despite living an average of 66 miles away, that is less than quite a few people commute every day to work. One in 10 adults only speak on the telephone with their mother or father once every four weeks. How many of the others would be the same if Mum and/or Dad did not look after the children as child carers?
And as they get even older, the care system is creaking under the weight of a growing old population. Stories abound of old people being abandoned in homes, selling their properties to pay for care and being shifted around when the money runs out. This is the long term result of the actions that the survey highlights. If you’re waiting for an inheritance, you might want to reconsider your plans, it is likely to be paying for the log term care of your parents!
I personally know people who never phone their parents, the parents have to phone them or have not met or spoken to a sibling in years. That just can’t be right, can it? If that is one of the sacrifices of modern living, I would suggest to those societies racing to the modern times that maybe they should hold on to something old. The wisdom of the world lies there.
If you happen to be one of the people mentioned in the survey, pick up the phone right now and make an old person’s day, it will make you feel good too.
Here are some links on the subject. The guardian debates are quite interesting.
If you’re old and still in touch with your family, count your blessings
Why phoning home is alien to children
One in eights adults have not seen their parents in over a year
May you find the balance.
Unexplained Dreams
Saturday, April 10, 2010 – 13:32‘I am going to be a star’.
Many young people dream this at some point in their lives. Sometimes we try and discourage them and in other cases we encourage them. Sometimes, reality sets in and they settle for what’s on the plate. Sometimes, as seen on such TV shows as ‘X-factor’ and ‘Pop Idol’, more times than not these dreams come crashing down like a ton of bricks.
But then there are those who refine the star to ‘pop star’, ‘film star’ and even ‘geek star’ and slowly work away at achieving this lofty goal because it is what defines them. Along this way, some lose the requirement to be a public ‘star’ and just become ‘star’ in their field, a star where they are held in high esteem but their peers in whatever the field, others discover new routes and new interests that turn them from being a ‘football star’ into a potential Noble Prize contender and still a star.
I had a surreal conversation this week where someone asked me about my future plans after I leave work in July. How would I survive without a job and income? Thinking about it later I realised my attempt at explanation would have made me appear like I was heading for a mighty unprepared crash.
How do you ask someone to explain their dreams?
I think that if I had sat the person down and explained my dreams and hopes for hours on end, the result would have been the same. As author Paulo Coelho (he keeps appearing in my posts) wrote recently ‘If you have a dream, don’t waste your energies explaining why’.
I cannot guarantee my dreams will come true just as much as they who play it safe can guarantee that they will remain in such a comfortable situation. I, at least, will have had a go and crashed and burned in spectacular fashion and I could be a ‘failure star’.
May you find the balance.
The World Conspires With You
Sunday, April 4, 2010 – 10:48If you regularly read my blog, you will know that I tend to take anything sold by the ‘quote a minute’ self help American gurus with a large pinch of salt. One of the central planks of the success brigade is that if you decide where you are going, the world will conspire to help you.
The Alchemist
I must say though that since my ‘Your Place In The Sun’ post, I cannot seem to get away from Brazil. For example, I am currently reading a book titled ‘The Alchemist’ by a Brazilian author, Paulo Coelho. I have always intended to read the book after watching a Will Smith (the actor) interview, long before my holiday, in which he mentioned the book. The book does not have anything to do with Brazil but one of the main themes (I have yet to finish it, so far so good) is about how the world appears to help you when you on your journey to your purpose in life! Weird or what?
Since I made my decision to move on and do something different with my life, I seem to see lots of opportunities popping up all around me. I do not believe it is the world that is conspiring with me, it is me.
Once you make a decision, you open your eyes to the possible routes to achieve the target. For example, if you decide to change jobs, you will not see the greater opportunities until you commit yourself to the idea, just saying ‘I need a new job’ is not going to cut it most times. There will be ‘no jobs out there’ if you are making a half hearted attempt. If you have to either out of necessity or because of your strong commitment, you will see job opportunities that you would not otherwise have considered.
This effect is real. If you need or want to change something in your life and the opportunity to do so appears elusive, question your motives and your commitment. Sometimes we desire things that deep down in our hearts we know are impossible for us, I want to be a pop star but I can’t hold a tune. If you recognise those fantasies then they cease to make you unhappy, they become your little indulgencies, your little escapes. What you should be left with then, are those things that are true for you and it is those things, once you are committed, that the world will conspire to help you with.
May you find the balance.
What’s happened to Love?
Saturday, April 3, 2010 – 14:03I may be getting on but my heart is still young and once in a while I don’t act my age and go out to a club with the hope of having a good dance and a drink, of course. Last night, something that occurred to me that I have thought about before. It struck me that nobody plays slow songs anymore. I remember as a teenager, waiting for the slow jam so I could get close to some ‘lucky chick’. I think we called a waltz. What ever happened to that?
When I thought of that, I also noticed the lack of snogging going on in the club. Ye Gods, growing up, all the dark and nearly dark corners of a nightclub were taken up by couples sucking each others’ faces off. That’s where you went to get a kiss and a cuddle. There are occasionally one or two love birds about but not anything like I remember. Maybe says something about what I was doing as a teenager?
I have teenage daughters and one who’s made it past the teenage years and I am not sure that any of them have been ‘in love’. Yes, they have had boyfriends but still. When I was going out with a girl, we were nearly always together. Usually I was getting under the feet of her parents on a regular (read daily) basis.
I have come to the conclusion that love as I know it has changed. Something in the youngsters of today that I suspect make them more cynical about romance. What a pity because nothing, yes nothing, feels like that infatuation love that just sets you heart and ‘loins’ on fire.
May you find the balance.
‘Tennis Girl’ Sadness
Saturday, April 3, 2010 – 13:03I am not so sure why but this story from the BBC website made me sad. I think, but I am not sure, it has something to do with ‘5 minutes of fame’ or is there a sense that there is much more to the story than meets the eye?
“The photographer behind Tennis Girl, one of the world’s biggest-selling posters, has died at the age of 63. The famous photograph sold more than two million copies worldwide. His widow has said that they had ‘done well’ out of it and were still receiving royalties for it.
tennis_girl
Martin Elliott took his most famous picture, while studying photography in Birmingham. After qualifying, he went on to work in advertising and had a studio in Birmingham. He retired to Cornwall 11 years ago after living in Stourbridge, in the West Midlands, and Portishead, Somerset.”
Does it make you sad too? Can you figure out why?
Full story can be read @ BBC News – Photographer behind Athenas Tennis Girl poster dies.
May you find the balance.
Negative Friends and Yes Men
Wednesday, March 31, 2010 – 7:18If you happen to be one of the millions of people who either read or listen to the success self-help gurus that the USA seems to be able to generate in their thousands sprouting such terms as NLP, the Secret, 10 habits and other such like, the you would recognise the advice that you do not need to have negative friends.
Some of these gurus will advise you ditch these friends and family people and hang around only with positive people. Others are more responsible and advise that you hang out with people who have the same aspirations or, if you lucky, who already are what you aspire to be and less time with those who would ‘dampen your enthusiasm’.
On the other hand, if you listen to some of the most successful businessmen in the world, you do not need ‘yes men’ around you. Ideally, you should find people who complement your skills, preferably cleverer than you and just as committed and who are likely to advise you and say so when they think you are wrong. All you have to remember is that you are the boss and ultimately you are responsible for your business venture.
I have always liked proving those who say ‘it won’t work’, ‘you’re making the wrong decision’, ‘why rock the boat, things are fine as they are’ wrong. Life would be so much less fun if everyone thought I was doing the right thing but on the other hand, especially when you are in the process of change, negative friends can be very wearing, sometimes so much so that they just suck the fun of the journey.
I have in the past lost friends for various reasons but I would never advise anyone to ditch their friendships, good friends are just too hard to find. And yes, a lot of the times your negative friends care about you and would hate to see you hurt if you fail.
I think it is a matter of balance, when your negative friends and family are wearing you down, spend a little time with the ‘Yes men’ in your life (I need one of those) or better still join some club, group of people trying to achieve the same goals as you. When you are getting too big for your boots, feeling the world can’t touch you; visit a negative friend for a good dose of ‘realism’.
Make you find the balance.
Joy is like sex
Monday, March 29, 2010 – 17:16“Money brings happiness. Fine. In that case, everyone who earns enough to have a high standard of living would be able to stop work. But then they’re more troubled than ever, as if they were afraid of losing everything. Money attracts money, that’s true. Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money wont necessarily bring happiness.I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness, now what I want is joy. Joy is like sex – it begins and ends. I want pleasure. I want to be contended, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap.”
via Joy is like sex « Paulo Coelho’s Blog.
What can I say? Great minds think alike? 
Love Being Alone
Sunday, March 28, 2010 – 13:37“If you cannot be by yourself for an hour, or for a day, or for a week then you don’t like yourself” so rants ‘Payroll da Pimp’ in his ‘Rebirth’ audio book. [WARNING : Do not look this book up if you are easily offended – whilst the book is positive – the language used to deliver it is likely to upset, if you are over, say, 30 .] Dr. Wayne Dyer, internationally best-selling author of ‘The Power Of Intention’ is reported to have said “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
Being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely and when it does; it does not mean that is necessarily negative. Many life coaches, self help gurus and other modern day motivators recommend a bit of ‘me’ time and certainly many faiths prescribe quiet contemplation, meditation and prayer. Even Jesus got 40 days of being alone in the desert!
If you think about it, prayer is like talking to yourself, isn’t it? You tell God what it is you want, what you need, what help you need and sometimes to be thankful for the small his or life’s small mercies. Sometimes you mention others, like the sick and poor, and sometimes you moan about the damn politicians and their constant messing?
I truly believe that to truly understand who you are does require you to be alone with your thoughts on a regular basis. If you use that time to examine the influences and the environment you live in, you may surprise yourself. You might find out what YOU feel is important not what other want you to feel is important or maybe how funny you are or how clever!
I take my ‘me’ time very early in the morning before the family wake up for the day. I try to have a little time every day but that’s not always possible. Sometimes I take a walk and sometimes I just sit there with a hot cuppa and contemplate any subject that comes to mind. Many times, those thoughts slowly build into decisions or plans of action or inaction.
Do not be sold on the growing cultural disdain for loneliness, it seems to be a pressure to stop you thinking but thinking is what us humans do and I would not hesitate to add, need. If you have never made time for you, try it for a month and see if you won’t make it a habit. And if you do find, you do not like yourself, maybe it’s time for change?
May you find the balance.
The Right To Be Happy
Saturday, March 27, 2010 – 10:02“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
Many people attribute the above quote to the US constitution when in fact it comes from the US Declaration of Independence. I am unaware of any other country that fundamentally assures its citizen’s of the right to be happy.
This assumption of a right to strive for happiness is so ingrained in US culture that Americans spent $11 billion in 2008 on self-improvement books, CDs, seminars, coaching and stress-management programs and they are doing their best to export their brand of success, motivation and happiness formulas. But have we equated happiness so much with success and ultimately money that we allow fellow humans to fail to even meet their basic needs? I think we have and I believe because of that happiness will continue to elude many of us.
The question of whether you are happy or not is not really ingrained in human psyche, is it? It appears to be the question we ask when we get comfortable when we have met our basic needs on a consistent basis. When the struggle for survival is the modus operandi, the question of happiness is irrelevant. Survival is the name of the game as with all other creatures, and in order to survive, we strive to obtain our basic needs, thereafter anything else is a bonus. Yes, a bonus, not a right.
Having said that, there is no harm, after having met basic needs, in striving to be much more, but in my opinion, you should be improving yourself as a person and doing your bit for humanity, but not at the expense of others. This is why this blog is about contentment, personal fulfillment rather than happiness.
May you find the balance.
I’m Not Waiting for God.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010 – 12:35You see them after travelling peak hours in the UK, every weekday, shuffling on the buses with their free passes, in some places trying to get on the bus before off peak time. You see them once or twice a week queued up outside post offices and if you happen into a pub (bar), they are there, nursing a pint of something for hours sometimes playing cards or dominos or choosing horses or greyhounds from some broadsheet newspaper and sending the ‘bookie’ runabout to place a bet for them. You might also spot them in the local butcher or at the Wednesday market buying two sausages for ‘tea’. My wife will tell you that nothing frightens her husband more that joining the ranks of the ‘one foot in the grave’ brigade.
If anything should motivate you to aim to do something with your life it should be these poor souls who appear to be waiting for nothing but God. Oh, they do look forward to some things like if lucky enough, to the grandchildren coming round once in a while, the Christmas family meal and the once a year trip to the seaside but the rest of their life appears to be waiting….. I do suppose that the middle class and upper class old folks have a somewhat different experience but stories like this and this do not convince me that retiring is an acceptable option. And yes, I do not believe those smarmy pension salespeople trying convince me that it will be different for me, you only have to look around to see what is happening to the pension schemes. Even the UK Government is not averse to screwing a pensioner or thousand or so (see http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8568970.stm). Pensions are the worst investment you can make in my opinion and it is a disgrace that we are nearly always forced to contribute.
To not want to retire means you have to be doing something you love, otherwise you will get tired and old. I just want to keep going until I keel over, hopefully in my sleep surrounded by those I love. Whether they love me or not at that time, I suspect, will not be not very important. If however, by some cruel twist of fate, I get to be unable to live a reasonably independent life to the age of say 85, wash myself, dress myself, wipe my own behind and enjoy a hard-on, then my family should, by now, be under no illusion as to what I expect of them. (On this note, some additional reading about the matter.)
I suppose this mentality means that I can contemplate the uncomfortable options that are ahead. They are not as scary as the alternative of staying where I am, keeping my head down and hoping that my current comfortable situation continues for the foreseeable future and maybe through retirement.
If there is a God, he is going to have to send something to drag me kicking and screaming from this world, because I will not waiting for Him. What about you? Do you want to spend the last few years of your life with one foot in the grave?
May you find the balance.